Talking to relatives about their family history

What's the best way to start researching your family history? Tracking down certificates, searching an online database,...or just sitting down for a chat with your oldest family members?

The memories, stories, and recollections of your relatives can unlock years of research, and provide context not found in any official document - personalities behind the names and memories of people long gone.

An English grandmother in Scotland

Take one family's experience: a grandmother recalling her own grandmother, who had moved in from the south-west of England to southern Scotland. Despite all her grandchildren being born and raised in Scotland, she refused to let them become Scottish or adopt any

word of local slang. The census returns capture the move from England to Scotland. But this recollection tells us something about the woman who made the move.

So how do you begin these conversations? What questions should you ask? And what do you do with the answers?

Where to begin - practical tips

• Meet somewhere familiar and quiet. Bring photographs, documents, or objects that may trigger memories.

• Ask open-ended questions, then let people talk.

• Take notes. Write down names, dates, connections and follow-up questions for later.

• Remember some memories may be painful, traumatic or deeply personal. Allow people to skip questions, change the subject or return to a topic later.

Round About the Upper Thames

For an illustration of why oral history matters, try Round About the Upper Thames (1922) by Alfred Williams.

Between 1914 and 1922, Williams cycled through villages he knew in the region of the upper Thames where Wiltshire, Gloucestershire and Oxfordshire meet. He talked to the older residents, gathering "nature and life, speech, story, tradition, and humorous incident." He preserved the voices of people born in the 19th century, capturing the personalities, relationships and texture of a rural life now long since disappeared from the region.

What to talk about - 20 questions to get you started

Relatives

1. What do you remember of your parents and grandparents – names, personalities, occupations?

2. Who are the oldest relatives you remember – names, personalities, occupations, when or how did you meet them?

3. Are there any famous (or infamous) relatives in the family?

4. Are there any relatives you lost contact with? Who and why? What do you think happened to them?

5. Are there any family naming traditions – were names reused or passed down the generations?

6. Did any relatives serve in the military or in wartime? Who? What happened to them?

Childhood Memories

7. What are your earliest memories?

8. Tell me about your home life – household chores, family dinners, daily routines.

9. What did you do for fun – favourite sports, toys or games?

10. Describe your school – name, when did you leave, subjects studied, teachers, friends, ambitions.

11. Did you go on any trips or holidays – where, how often, with whom and how did you travel?

12. Where did you live? Address, how many rooms, bathroom, furniture, sharing a bedroom? Did you move house – why and where?

13. Who did you live with – which family members, what were the family bonds and rivalries?

14. Who do you remember in your community – neighbours, employers, friends, local figures?

15. What celebrations do you remember e.g. Christmas or weddings. Who attended, where were they held, how were they celebrated?

Adult Life

16. How did you meet your spouse/partner? Tell me about your wedding day – where was it held, who attended, what did you wear?

17. What work did you do? How did you get into that line of work? Can you describe a typical workday?

18. Was there a family business or trade passed down through the generations?

19. (Approach with caution) Were there any hard times in your life – illness, poverty, unemployment or other difficult circumstances? How did the family cope?

Historical Events

 20. What major historical events do you remember? Did these events affect your family personally?

Afterwards

Once you've gathered these stories, try to preserve them as soon as possible - transcribe recordings, write up notes and label photographs while everything is fresh. Share what you've found with other family members - you may find one story unlocks another. Keep a note of any new questions or avenues of research. Finally, cross-reference your notes with the historical records you find. Keep in mind that memories - particularly of dates and facts - can fade or shift over time. Treat them as a starting point and cross-reference where you can.

But these memories - perhaps the story behind a photograph or the meaning of a family nickname - might bring your history to life in ways that records never could. Capturing these stories allows you and future generations to get to know your ancestors as more than names on a family tree.

Key Takeaways

• Your relatives are among your most valuable research resources - their memories can reveal personalities and details not captured in official documents.

• Familiar surroundings, old photographs and open-ended questions make the best starting point for a conversation - then let people talk.

• Transcribe recordings, write up notes and label photographs as soon as possible while everything is fresh.

• Capturing these stories means you and future generations can know your ancestors as real people, not just names on a family tree.